What They Didn’t Tell Me…
If they had told me some things about motherhood, I might have changed my mind. If they would have told me that it doesn’t matter how old your child gets, that there is this invisible cord that connects from their heart to yours that emits shock waves, and emotional highs and lows that never stop, that the protective instinct that you were given by God doesn’t go away when they turn 18, and that your heart will be a squeezed, patched up, scarred up, convoluted organ that looks like a worn out washcloth… on the good days. But how could they tell you that? You might actually listen and change your mind… but we all know the truth. We humans often don’t listen to the voice of reason, and we do what we want. We take the plunge despite all the warnings, and we jump off the cliff into the freezing cold water that shocks us from the inside out, and the outside in.
And what is even more absurd, is that we women (some of us) chase the pain by multiplying it (I have 10-you do the math!) BUT I don’t regret it! Call me crazy, but seriously, I am not lamenting the pain, or wishing I hadn’t, I am just saying…
I had no idea that it was going to hurt so much.
I wasn’t the greatest mother, either, when they were little, I know I was impatient, and I focused too much on the house being clean, and them being clean, and other things, instead of just having fun with them. But we did have fun, too! So much fun, and I don’t regret it for a minute… I just wish I had been a better mother. I wish I had been a more joyful, happy and loving example of someone who loves Jesus, and not preached so many self-righteous sermons to them, or expected them to be spiritual giants, especially during their teen years. Aaayaayyaaah! My poor kids!
So, my advice to you mommies of young children, is to just love, love, love them, and help them to find that close friend that Jesus will be to them, and help them to establish that connection with him so that even as they grow and experience the world and start to question, and think that they have found a cooler, more intellectual, or scientific, or amazing path, that it holds them fast, that connection, even without their being aware of it. And that, even if they stray for awhile, and think they can make it on their own, without their best friend, that eventually they will miss him and look around for him, and friend request him again. There are so many things that parents need to prepare their kids for, it is really a ridiculously long job description, but Love and Understanding are the top things that cover the lacks.
He made it that simple. And another thing to be aware of is that you can’t expect them to change their ways to make you happy, because it has to be for the only good reason, because they realize that the high road, no matter how rocky or bumpy, is still the best road, and that the low road may look easy now, but it becomes empty and boring and very dark and painful.
And despite the afore-mentioned pain…I must clarify…My children are the most amazing part of my life that make me who I am…. We read books and search and study to find ourselves and who we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to do and I have to say, no matter what else I have done or will do, God gave me the gift of motherhood. Yes, in spite of my description of pain, etc. it has been and continues to be what makes my life epic. Seriously! That is how I see it! Each communication heart to heart with them, each memory, each struggle, agonizing prayer, each proud moment as they succeed, or win, or fall, and rise up again. Each step forward that they take, each gesture of love and care for others and each other, each time they make a tough choice, or blow it and make a bad choice, but learn from it. The loving parents they are becoming, they hard working people that they are, the funny, interesting, serious, unselfish, talented, beautiful and nutty individuals that they are is so much a part of what makes my life worth living. So I am glad I didn’t hear it when someone might have said “are you sure you want to have kids?”